First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
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Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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