I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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