I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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