so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
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I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
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I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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