he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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