Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
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Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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