One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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