Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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