trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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