So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize