i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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