he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize