I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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