I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
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Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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