Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
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This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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