i think i have herpe
just one?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize