I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
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He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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