Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
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you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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