Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
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Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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