Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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