My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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