Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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