theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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