Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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