It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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