Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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