I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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