I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize