how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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