maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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