Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize