But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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