Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
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I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
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I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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