when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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