i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
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That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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