you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i already hear my dad disowning me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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