Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize