why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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