Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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