I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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