Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize