i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize