I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
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This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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