Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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