Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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