It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i love accidental penises.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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