you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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