If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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