Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize