I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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