We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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